The reality that I'm going to be gone for 4 months seems to be setting in. I still feel as if I'm on vacation, which makes sense since I've only ever been away from home for 2 or 3 weeks at most, since a plane flight away is always followed by a relatively quick return, since a trip is just a trip and nothing more. This summer, I never took time to consider how long 4 months could really be; I was determined to avoid thinking about any aspect of the trip, preferring instead to enjoy the summer fully, setting up for a blind jump into this journey when the time arrived, in hopes of being as surprised as possible. I don't regret my summer strategy, but it has made the beginnings of this transition a little more difficult then they might have been if I had been more prudent with my mental preparation.
Nonetheless, I can feel myself easing into this new reality every day, finding my balance with subtle shifts and steps, probing out the steady ground in my new surroundings, reading my own feelings to see what feels right. As I continue to explore Istanbul, to forge new friendships with my group members, to dive into another semester of classes, to practice Turkish, to meet Turks, to read, to take pictures, to seek out new foods, to devour said foods, to swim in the Bosporous, to study Middle Eastern politics, geography, and history, to stake out more of myself as I trek through this new place, to settle in myself as well, I know that this trip will make me more of who I am meant to be.
Apologies for throwing down such a heavy post, but I needed to get the weight of those thoughts off of my mind, onto paper where I can pick through them myself with the attention and nimbleness their weight prevents me from wielding. All said, my excitement for this trip grows every day, even when the doubts and pangs of this new reality well up in me, they do recede as I think about all that this trip will be.
Until next time,
Your Favorite Luker
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